- We hunted dumpsters near and far to bring you this Amazon-exclusive Fuggler
- Soft enough to hug, but we’re not sure why you’d want to
- Stands 9 inches tall for maximum sneaky antics
- Comes with an adoption certificate you can display proudly to alienate family and friends
- No Fuggler is the same! Well, except the teeth. Find your ideal mishmash of weird and sign your life away
Buyer beware, adopt if you dare! Fugglers are mischievous, misunderstood, funny-ugly monsters full of teeth and nightmares. And these ones? Well, these are the worst. They’re so bad, we can only sell them here on Amazon!
Why would you want one, you ask? We don’t know your life. Maybe your life is too perfect, and you want to ruin that for some reason. Whatever your poison, we can make it happen. Our adoption process is simple!
1. Look deep into the vacant eyes of all the Fugglers up for adoption. Narrow it down to the one that repulses you the least. Or the most.
2. Take a hot sec to consider why you’re actively sabotaging your own happiness.
3. Choose to adopt your Fuggler. We’ll follow his trail of destruction until we track that toothy weirdo down. He’ll probably be gnawing on chicken bones in a dumpster.
4. We will capture your Fuggler using only the most humane and industry-leading Fuggler-wrangling techniques. The Fuggler will bite and fart outrageously.
5. Your Fuggler will be forcibly stuffed into a Fuggler-proof cardboard travelling box and mailed to your home. He will try to escape that box, so don’t be surprised if it shows up at your door mangled as heck.
6. Remove your Fuggler from its box with great caution. Immediately regret your decision.
We will even provide you with an adoption certificate to commemorate the occasion, and to free us of legal responsibility for whatever destruction he wreaks on your house and life. You’ve been warned.
What the heck is a Fuggler? Fugglers are funny-ugly monsters that will ruin your life and warm your heart with their mischievous antics and straight-up bonkers appearance. They’re hard-wired to wreak havoc, but their shriveled little hearts can hold a little love for you, their human. If there’s one thing you can expect from your Fuggler, it’s total mischief and unpredictability.